I guess both at the moment. Oh how I laughed as I caught up on Deb's last two blog posts'. Deb, I didn't see any spurs? (hehe.....you know what I'm talking about :) Also Deb, I love ALL the pictures, thank you sooooo much, I was so in need of a smile tonight.
Sitting here now, blotting tears so I can blog, I can't help but feel so helpless. I know God is in control & we've came a very long way with little Addi in only 5 & 1/2 weeks, but I just need her home. While home with the boys I can't help but miss her like crazy. My heart aches. All I see is her lying in her crib, in the hospital, by herself. While at the hospital with Addi I become so homesick for the boys that I count down the hours to the next trip home. I feel so torn. I cannot wait to have what I feel is quality time with Preston Lee again. Just a day or two at a time is just not the same. Especially when during that time with Preston I'm trying to catch up on things here at the house so that I am ready to head back down to the hospital.
Almost a week or so ago Addison seemed to be more interested in nursing & bottle feeding. Then it all came to a screaching halt. She wasn't even interested in waking up. The Nurses told me, it's normal, she's a premie. After several days of myself knowing something just wasn't quite right, the Dr. ordered blood work. Addison has a pretty severe case of anemia. They are now giving her daily injections of Epogen. She has been receiving these injections for 4 days now & seems to be doing a little better. She is less lethergic, her color is much better, but still hasn't gained much of an interest in trying to nurse or nipple (feed from a bottle). I guess I should say not as much interest as I would like to see. The Nurses & Dr. reassure me that once her anemia is corrected we will see a big change in her. I'm just ready to see that change now! I know there are much worse cases than ours, but it doesn't minimize how hard it is not bringing home your baby girl. Every time I leave her it seems so unfair. She looks so beautiful and overall she's so healthy, she weighs 5lbs now, but I STILL can't bring her home.
I know tomorrow will be a brighter day. God has this way of finding the most miraculous ways of lifting my spirits. I thank God each day for being with my family & carrying us through. Justin and I, Preston and Addi, we have received some of the most incredible blessings. I have no words to express how thankful we are to our friends, family, church family and community. I am so glad I know & love the Lord.
7 comments:
Oh, honey! My heart aches for you, but things will be ok soon! I'm praying for you. *HUGS*
Ok Ang I know how hard it is to stay positive when it seems like every time Addi takes a step forward she takes two back but she IS going to be ok. She is a little fighter, like her mama, and soon she will make that turn where she just starts getting healthy. Then it won't be long before you two girls get to be with the guys. You hand in there, in no time at all you will be home and snuggling with your whole family. Now to keep those smiles coming....my spurs - well -- amazing what you can do with a pair:0) You can always borrow them TEE HEE! Keep your chin up kiddo, time will heal and you will be back in your own little home with your entire family. Love ya - Deb
Oh crap........I should proof before I publish. What in the world does "You hand in there mean?" Honestly sometimes I think my schooling came from the back of a truck or something. This is what I mean. "HANG in there Angie"
PS - God is good, he will be holding your hand throught the whole thing.
Oh, Ang! I wish I could take your pain away! I only experienced the NICU world for a short time, but I do remember how bad it hurt to leave him in there without me. Take comfort in the fact that the nurses love those babies like their own and give them lots of snuggles and love when Mommy and Daddy can't be there. I now it is tough, but keep your chin up! It will get better SOON! She looks pefect, healthy, and beautiful in the picture! Love and Hugs to you!
oh honey! We will be thinking and praying for good things for your Miss Addi.... and for your lil' family to make it through this....
Ang, just remember, we serve a GREAT GOD who knows and loves each and every one of us all the time. When you can't be there, He's with her, comforting her, and putting strength, hope, and love into those people who ARE with her. I ache for you, having to leave her, and feeling torn. Please know, as I do, that soon, you'll all be home together, and this difficult time will be a distant memory.
Hugs and smooches all around!!!!
Jess, Jason, Haley, Shelby and Spencer
I'm sorry your heart is aching so much! I wish I could do something to make it better. remember that the days go by so slow, but the years go by so fast. These few months are just a drop in the bucket of the time you will get to spend with Addison. Keep your chin up. She will be home soon and life will be perfect. I'll keep on praying for her!
Happy Easter!
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