Today would be the day that lil' missy would arrive by scheduled c-section. Except things didn't go as "scheduled". Funny how life takes turns that we truly never foresee happening huh.
It's been a tough past 5 days. I've been an emotional roller coaster & have cried at the drop of a hat. Everyone here at the hospital tries to remind me that Addison is still so young & that she will eventually turn that corner & just take off. I've been expecting that now for weeks. Why I build my hopes up & even try to guess when "I" think she'll go home I will never understand. NEVER do that to yourself when you have a preemie. It doesn't matter how much the baby weighs (well, to a degree it doesn't) how old they are either gestational or from when they were born, it doesn't matter when the Jone's baby went home & how much it weighed or even how close your little preemie's weight is to a friends baby that went home at "that" weight. I have learned it all comes down to when the little one is ready. And Addison is just not ready yet.
She is still having a lot of problems with refluxing. Several times a day while refluxing it becomes hard for her to catch her breath, and many times she ends of holding her breath & therefore her oxygen level takes a nose dive. Most times she can get her oxygen level back up on her own, but about twice a day the nurses have to give her blow by (oxygen with a mask) to get it back up.
Also, she still has a VERY low drive to eat. She has her times, about twice a day where she will eat an entire feeding from her bottle & they do not have to tube feed her. But even then she usually doesn't really "wake up" for that. I usually have to coax her into taking it all. Dr. Guerue says it's human instinct to want to eat regardless of being tube fed and when Addi turns that corner she'll have that instinct/drive, and will wake up crying to eat, and enjoy taking her bottle/breast.
Many days it seems so discouraging, but then I try & remind myself that regardless of when all the other babies in the NICU go home (and believe me, I have seen a ton of babies come & go.....very discouraging let me tell ya), Addi will go home when she's suppose to. And I honestly don't want her to go home too soon, I'm just anxious for her "turn" to come.
Please say a prayer for me. Loneliness & exhaustion has really been trying to take over. Though I do know, the Lord is always with me.
6 comments:
Oh Angie, I hate to see you so down. You are so very right you can't judge Addi's progress by someone else. She will, when the time is right, take that big leap. And I know you keep hearing that from all of us and it doesn't help make the day come any faster. Just hang in there, that time will come and sooner than later. Keep your chin up, we are all sending you and little Miss Addie thoughts and prayers. I will be down on Thurs. and Fri. and will look you up. Love you, take care! Deb
Ang, you know you are never alone..... you have your little "bird" angel with you....AND your UMA's with you all in thoughts and prayers..... Call me when you are home, I will make you go with me for a drive, coffee, ect....... remember you are only human! Addi is in GODS hands!
You are never alone! I so wish I was closer right now, not in a few months! Thinking of you and sending prayers. Talk to you again soon. Love ya!
You and little Addi are in our thoughts and prayers all the time. We cannot even imagine the emotions that you are going through but remember that everyone is pulling for all of you and when things are ready you have all your family under one roof once again. Take Care!!!!!
Marietta/Frank
Ang, I think about you every day. I KNOW that God is with her, working within her every day to get stronger. And soon, you will all be at home together, enjoying family time. Keep your chin up. We love you all and will continue to pray for her strength, and yours too! *Hugs!
oh angie! what a tough time. I can only imagine how hard it is to think that had things when the way they were "supposed" to, you would probably be home with a full term addison. What a tough pill to swallow. I'm not sure I know what to say that could comfort you. I just pray that Addison continues to get better and turns that corner sooner rather than later. Love you dear!
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